when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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