Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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