He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
