i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
