you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
