we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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