i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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