god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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