I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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