Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
