i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
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You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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