i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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