He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
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she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
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brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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