If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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