Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
