We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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