I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
