just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
