Someone shit on the floor
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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