Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
