I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize