I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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