I'm going to jail i love you
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
