Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
