You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
