I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
