We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
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my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
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I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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