Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
