I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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