somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
