how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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