I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
