I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
