I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So much rum. So many feels.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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