I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize