you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
