You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
