if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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