I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
this just has baby written all over it
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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