I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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