My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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