the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize