I wish I could punch you in the face.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
