Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
