Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."