The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.