I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.