Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
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Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i am craving dick and cupcakes