I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
