dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
