your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
