well I can't set my house on fire every night
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
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And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
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She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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