They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
