I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."