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so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So much rum. So many feels.
Randomize
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