We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media