You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it