Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
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I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.