took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
