any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize