It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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