Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
