I wish life had little blips of pornography
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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