made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
