I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
