How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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