Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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