My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
